hey kiddos
sometimes I wonder if I even have the slightest bit of hispanic genetic material in me. Next to my grandparents, I look like the whitest, most conservative, quietest kid ever.
Audrey and I made mother's day cards this evening. Meaning, I made cards while she was sleeping and signed her name to them. :D It's okay on monday I'm going to put her little hand and foot prints on each one, they are really cute. I used that paper you got me for christmas shelly. I love that paper! It's soooo cute and it came with a bunch of cool stuff. That one definitely goes in the win column.
I went to michael's today (pretty much just for the hell of it) and found some photo paper for really cheap, and now I can print pretty pictures. I'm excited about that, and the paper was a steal. It was like 5 bucks for like 30 pages.
My grandma needs to come back home, I'm tired of being the house wife. They are so old fashioned and chauvinistic in that way, it drives me crazy. My grandfather even treats me that way a little-woman = subordinate and should do favors for man- and I'm just like NO. I finally did clean the kitchen though, it was messy and it was driving me insane. I was brought up so differently from that, and my parents are the farthest from chauvinists they come. Well, my mom used to be anyway.
Audrey is a little frustrating lately. It's not her, it's just her sleeping routine I guess. I can tell she's tired but when I try to put her sleep she just fights it a lot. so I have to wait until her little face is red (cause she's been rubbing her eyes) to rock her to sleep. Plus it takes longer than it usually does, it seems like the second she falls asleep I have to hurry up and put her down before she wakes up again, but then as soon as she's laying in her bassinet, her little eyes open. I have to pick her up and put her back down again at least twice, if not three times before she's truly out. I feel bad for her because I know she needs to sleep and she is so fussy without it, but she resists for some reason.
Well, my last day of class is tuesday and then I have exams next monday (chem), tuesday (psych and algebra) and wednesday (english). English, I should have an A. Psych, I will have a B. (which is why I am really unmotivated to read the last chapter) and idk aboout chem. I think I did good on the last test so we'll see. Idk what I have in math right now. We just took a test but don't do good on the tests, ever. I don't know why. I get hundreds on the quizzes and homework and I get all the bonus pts in class. But my test grades are 90 (it was really an 80 but he added a curve), 79 and 65. I get to drop the 65 thank god but yea.
My mom comes to have lunch with me and Audrey every week. I definitely like it, because there is only so much Audrey and I can do and my mom likes holding her and feeding her and stuff and it's just a nice distraction. But it makes me really sad. Like, I guess now that I don't live with her, me and my mom have a good relationship. Which is good, don't get me wrong, but I'm just like "why doesn't this work, again??" Us getting along so well makes me wonder if I did the right thing in leaving and makes me wonder if over reacted in leaving there. But then again, I sort of know I didn't but idk. It's just confusing. I guess my brain knows it will never work like I want it to, but the rest of me isn't there yet. I need to keep the gates up though. I think I might regret getting to close.
The power went out today! It was fun for like, 5 minutes until it got really hot and icky because the ac wasn't on anymore. And I was on the computer so after that I was just bored. But I had to leave for Audrey's not long after anyway.
I'm hoping that you guys can come have lunch with us this summer! I like it when people come over, even her grandparents or aunts or something. It's a good distraction for her and yea, I just like it. That little booger gets more guests than I do.
Earlier today I told my uncle I would drive him to the airport, he has to be there at 5am but seeing as how it's 3:11 right now, I really hope he doesn't take me up on it. I don't think he will, we didn't actually talk about it.
So I'm having a somewhat moral dilemma. You know Jharine, my super annoying lab partner? Well I'm kind of thinking I should put her annoyingness aside (which would be incredulous, but whatever) and try to talk to her. Her dad has a lot of heart problems and the last I heard (which was months ago) was that he needed some kind of surgery but it was risky and they couldn't find a surgeon to do it and stuff. Well like a week agoish jharine missed a whole weeks worth of chem and lab and I knew something was up. Turns out she had to stay home with her dad because no one else in her family could (I guess he can't be alone?) and yea I felt bad for her. I'm pretty sure she cuts herself. They looked really deep too. I don't have to much respect for her, and it is hard for me to be around her, but I don't want her to hurt herself. I'm almost positive too, there's no way that many cuts could have been an accident. Plus, they're were definitely distinct colors, meaning some happened at one time and others at another. I was going to be like hey, what happened but I got distracted for some reason, and then later on when I remembered, she was wearing a jacket and I realized she's like, always wearing a jacket. I didn't say anything cause I thought that would have been awkward, and I didn't want to have to explain that I saw the cuts when she wasn't wearing a jacket. You know what I mean? I'll probably get her email and email her about it. Unless by chance one of the next 2 times that I'll see her she isn't wearing a jacket, then I'll jump on it, but that doesn't seem likely.
One paper, one test, and 2 final exams to go. I can make it. I'm going to miss my chemistry class, and my math class a lot, they have both been awesome and I've met some really nice people. Not really people I would hang out with, cause they have kids and husbands and stuff, but still. I will not miss my english class, which is a bunch of high 18 year olds and girls that constantly talk about smoking when they think certain guys are listening, or my psychology class. I actually like my psych teacher now, she grew on me. A lot of that has to do with the stuff we're learning now. I will not miss the perv that sits next to me though. Everything he says has some sexual innuendo and he breaths on me and I hate it. and his breath stinks.
Okay I'm going to bed.
I love you guys
oh yea I forgot to tell you. I went to Deborah's on thursday and I was brave. No cherry pies necessary. Which was good, cause I semi-lost it. but I didn't need it anyway. It went well, the only thing I'm a little sketchy about is I was sort of hoping to get everything out, every single thing and just let it go and have it not be on me anymore all in one session. I have no idea if that's unrealistic, it very well may be, but according to deborah, it's better to go slow, so that you can protect yourself, and so that you don't feel like a bus hit you when you leave. Which, that all makes sense to me as well. I guess that's just not what I was expecting. I was also sort of hoping she'd sort of make me talk about somethings, but based on that, it sounds like I'm totally in charge. Which, is fine I guess. Only I know myself, and there will be times (and there have been times) where I can't bring things up that are bothering me, or I need help doing it, so I guess idk how that will work. And, if I say I don't want to talk about it, I think she might listen. which is good and bad, it depends.
But I am going to keep being brave, and keep reiterating that I know I need to talk about stuff and that I can't always make myself. I already said that a few times but I can keep saying it, that's okay.
Okay, now I'm going to bed.
love you guys
noni
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tired
bouncy